


the stars; for you.

by wonder_wonpil



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, That's it, it's pretty short :/, iwaoi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23836639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonder_wonpil/pseuds/wonder_wonpil
Summary: it was tooru, hajime, and a jar full of stars.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	the stars; for you.

**Author's Note:**

> ok hi so like according to the fandom wiki oikawa was born at 1994 so don't get confused okay and thank you.

_the stars i made for you._

_[ 2001 ; aged seven ]_

“Iwa-chan,” he calls out to his neighbour. “Hurry up!”

“Does this look easy to you?!” the other boy shouts. It seems obvious enough that he’s struggling to carry the big, long object in his hand.

“Be careful with that!” Tooru shouts. “My dad would kill me if it was broken.”

Hajime huffs. “Why don’t _you_ carry it then, _Trashykawa_?”

“Because you’re stronger than me, so why should I bother?” Tooru sticks his tongue out as a form of mockery. It takes everything in Hajime not to throw the telescope at Tooru’s face.

The boys arrive at the park; unusually crowded for its time. Tooru checks his watch — it was his favourite one, with little cartoon aliens decorating the strap. The alien’s eyes show the time; it was almost half past eleven. They were supposed to be in bed two hours ago, but their parents made an exception for today. It was the one time of the year that Tooru’s father allowed him to handle the telescope that Tooru has played with so much.

( oh, Hajime? He’s just tagging along because Tooru forced him to, saying that he’ll cling onto Hajime for the rest of the week had he bailed on their plan. )

“The meteor shower is going to start soon!” Tooru says enthusiastically, setting up the mount of the telescope. Hajime carefully places the object on top, so as to not fall.

As they sit on the grass, Hajime notices that Tooru can’t stay still. The anticipation is clear in his eyes, and Hajime can’t help but share the eagerness that Tooru’s radiating.

( next time, he’s definitely dragging Tooru to watch the newest _Godzilla_ film - no matter how much Tooru whines about being scared. )

Tooru fiddles with the telescope. “Oh! There it is - Iwa-chan, it’s starting!”

Hajime stands and squints his eyes, though he doesn’t have to. The little shiny dots are vivid as they make their way through the night skies. Hajime watches in awe — that’s something you don’t see everyday.

Hajime glances at Tooru, who has an eye on the telescope. He looked like he’s never been happier — and knowing him, Hajime could confirm the thought.

“It’s so pretty!”

Hajime nods in reply, shoving Tooru away. “Move — I wanna see.”

“Ah! Iwa-chan, you’re so mean!”

If it was vivid before, the telescope made it as if Hajime was looking at it from just a feet away. Not only did the meteors were more visible, the background of swirling black and purple made everything twice as better.

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru taps his shoulder. Hajime notices Tooru’s silly grin, and the manner of his hands - like he was trying to hide something from Hajime.

“What is that?”

Tooru proudly presents the item — _tadah! —_ a small jar, filled with colourful paper stars. Even through the glass, Hajime can see that they were folded very neatly.

“What is that?” the question repeats. Tooru giggles.

“It’s a jar full of stars!” he exclaims. “Not the real thing, of course, but I made it myself. It’s for you.”

Hajime blinks. “For _me_?”

“Yes! Here.” he shoves the jar into Hajime’s hands. “It’s for my _bestest_ friend in the whole galaxy!”

Hajime flushes, stumbling on his words. “ _Who even —_ who even wants to be best friends with you, idiot?!” he shouts. “But thank you, I guess.”

That was probably the only time that Tooru did not complain about the petty insult.

_( Hajime opens the jar. It oddly smells like strawberries. )_

  
  


_the stars i kept for you._

_[ 2015 ; aged twenty ]_

Hajime lights up a cigarette, leaning on the window frame. How many months have they started doing this? It wasn’t as if Hajime didn’t enjoy it — sometimes (most of the time), he just thinks he must have had a screw loose when he agreed to … _whatever this is._

Friends with benefits is a way to put it.

Tooru exits the bathroom, a towel around his hips — not like Hajime hasn’t seen the full glory of Tooru anyway. He always asks to use the shower first when they're done, and Hajime doesn’t complain. He needs time to rest his mind after what action they’ve partaken in.

Seeing as how Hajime is sitting on the bed albeit facing the window, Tooru chooses to take his seat on Hajime’s desk. He examines the many books sprawled on the oak table — most of them about kinesiology stuff that is greek to Tooru. 

A shine catches Tooru’s eyes, his hand reaching out to touch the object. The feeling was cool, familiar, nostalgic. Tooru almost wanted to laugh at Hajime for being so childish — then again, it used to mean so much to him. Part of him is shocked that Hajime stored it.

“I can’t believe you kept it,” Tooru chuckles, shaking the little jar. The colour of the paper stars are still vibrant, which means Hajime kept it in a quite good condition.

Hajime turns to see what Tooru is talking about and scoffs before turning back. It wasn’t like _he kept it there on purpose to remind him of Tooru whenever he’s feeling down._ He’d never do that.

A wave of silence lulls among them. It’s not like the usual type of comfortable silence, where they don’t need to exchange any form of verbal words. Yet this one is strange — tense, one would even say.

Tooru takes a deep breath. “Would you like to … go out with me?”

Hajime blinks. _“What?”_

“Go out with me,” Tooru’s expression doesn’t falter, whilst Hajime is on the verge of dropping his cigarette.

“Ha, as if,” Hajime quickly regains his composure. “Not funny, _Shittykawa_.”

“I’m not joking, Iwa-chan. I’m being serious — let’s go out.”

Hajime sighs, blowing out a puff of smoke in the process. “Why exactly should I believe you?”

“Because I love you.”

Now Hajime really wanted to laugh. Tooru loves _him_ , of all people? The answer is short and simple, and the many years Hajime spent with Tooru tells him that Tooru’s tone and expression meant each syllable of the word, yet another part of him is saying that Tooru’s just bluffing. 

( are there any hidden cameras of some sort? Is Hajime really going crazy? )

“I’m sorry,” Tooru’s voice is strained. Hajime notices Tooru’s knuckles turn white as he grips the jar tighter. “I — I just thought you felt the same. When you agreed to do this, I—”

Hajime rises from the bed, taking the jar from Tooru’s hands and placing it on the desk. The sunset behind him acts as a backlight - enough to cover the tiny blush on his face.

“I don’t know how I feel right now,” Hajime says softly, and Tooru knows he’s telling the truth. “But, you know … we can give it a try.”

This time, Tooru blinks. “So … a date?”

“A date sounds nice. Let’s start with that.”

( before Tooru left that night, Hajime walked him to the door. Tooru sneaks in a peck on his cheek, and Hajime’s thankful that Tooru turned away as quickly as the blush takes over his face. )

  
  


_the stars i tried to save for you._

_[ 2020 ; aged twenty-five ]_

The time shows half past twelve. Hajime stumbles through the dark kitchen of their shared apartment, his car keys in hand. He throws them on the table along with his jacket and pays no extra mind to them; he just really needs some sleep.

“Where were you?” 

The lights turn on. Hajime looks at the other end of the room; it’s the person Hajime wanted to talk to _the least_ at the moment.

“You’re going to start with that?” Hajime asks. “Playing the paranoid boyfriend role?”

“I asked where you were,” Tooru says, crossing his arms. “Were you out drinking You reek of alcohol. And you didn’t reply to my texts, I called you almost fifteen times —”

_“Would you shut up?!”_

Tooru freezes. His arms drop, and tears instantly fill his eyes. He never took Hajime’s angry tone nicely, and even after five years of being together, Tooru doubts that it’s something he can get used to.

“Can’t you fucking tell that I’m tired? Everything is shit right now and all you can think of is the fact that you can’t sleep on the bed alone?!”

“Isn’t that why I’m here; to help you when you’re going through shit? Isn’t that what _we’re_ for?”

“ _We’re_ going through shit!” Hajime shouts, slamming his hand on the kitchen table. “Now move — I’m going to sleep.”

Tooru clenches his fist, quickly trailing after his lover. “Well, you’re not the only one who feels like that lately!”

Hajime turns around, “Yeah, so it’s about you again, isn’t it? Tell me, Tooru, when has this ever been about me? I’m always there to help you when you’re feeling like crap — and when I’m going through it, you cry! The only thing you’re good at is guilt-tripping me, isn’t it?”

“That’s not true!” Tooru cries. “I just — I don’t know how to help you when you’re being like this!”

( though a part of him says that it’s true. Their relationship is definitely not the smoothest, with lots of on and offs. How many times has Tooru cried for Hajime not to leave him? It’s not like the both of them could help it. At least they didn’t have to deal with emotional fights while they were being fuck buddies. )

_“Like this?”_ Hajime laughs, albeit sarcastically. “If you can’t deal with me _like this_ , then maybe you shouldn’t have begged me to stay all the damn time, Tooru, because I’m also sick of this!”

Hajime’s hand swings to the table beside him, dropping an object that shatters on the ground. They both freeze at the sight.

Glass pieces scatter across the wooden floor. The colour of the stars were a little faded, this time. The room smells like strawberries, even if it’s very faint.

Tooru chooses to not stay quiet, carefully bending down to pick up the tiny paper stars. Hajime grits his teeth - what the hell is this idiot doing?

“You’ll hurt yourself,” Hajime wraps his hand around Tooru’s wrist, this time taking a good look at his face.

“Then tell me how to help,” Tooru manages to muster through sobs. “I can — I can help. We can fix this.”

Hajime sighs, massaging his temple. “No, Tooru, we can’t fix this anymore. We’re already too deep down to climb again.”

Subconsciously, Tooru crushes the paper stars in his hand. He clenches his fist so tightly he’s afraid his blood flow would stop.

But this is it. This is the inevitable moment that Tooru could see happening — but, as always, he just ran away from it as long as he could. Hajime was right — they’re too broken to fix, and he was just a coward who couldn’t face his problems head on.

And now he’s faced with the consequences, and it feels too hard to accept. Maybe he could’ve tried harder to save their relationship; maybe he could’ve been _better._

Alas, there’s nothing he can say at this time. Tooru drops what was once the paper stars he cherished so much, instead using his hands to muffle his sobbing.

  
  


_the stars I left for you._

_[ 2020, aged twenty-five ]_

It took two days for the apartment to feel hollow without Hajime’s things. The bags under Tooru’s eyes are thicker than Hajime — it’s nice to know that Hajime’s also taken aback by the sudden change, and that their relationship meant _something_ to him.

Two suitcases beside the door. Hajime pretends to ignore the fact that Tooru’s wearing his sweater. He’s willing to give it away as something Tooru holds onto until he’s ready to let go, seeing as Hajime will also need time to sort things out with himself.

“Thank you for —”

“Don’t say that,” Tooru cuts him off, his voices strangled. Hajime knew that tone — it means he’s holding back a sob. “Don’t — don’t say that.”

Hajime can only sigh. He rummages through his backpack, and finds the item he’s looking for.

“When you passed out from crying, I made this. It’s not as neat as yours, but …”

He shoves the item to Tooru’s hands. It’s a glass jar of little paper stars. The jar was smaller than the old one, and the colour of the cap was different, but the colour of the stars were more popping than before. 

Tooru couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. He reaches out, and Hajime takes him. They envelop themselves in a long hug of unsaid words.

( and Tooru clings onto him a lot tighter than their usual hugs, hoping that the hug is enough to pass on the gratitude and apologies that he couldn’t say. )

Hajime closes the door. The apartment feels cold and empty, and the only thing that Tooru can hold left isn’t a warm body who’d give him petty insults; not a lover who’d hold him when he’s crying; not Hajime who would whisper reassuring words when he’s feeling down - just a jar full of stars.


End file.
